My CT scan showed nothing in my kidneys but iodine travelling through. Yes! That worry is going down the drain and into the sewer where it belongs. I've had enough worry to last me another lifetime. I'm grateful for the faith I have in my doctor, the wonderful people I have been meeting at the Hearst Cancer Resource Center. I am so lucky to have a place to go to that's free and I can get information, wigs, scarves, Tai Chi, Reiki, and support groups if I decide I want to go. So far I'm seeing a therapist (yes, I'm a California girl now) and really have a wonderful rapoir with her.
Even though I still am receiving the experimental drug every 3 weeks, the side effects are minimal and I can begin to get back to normal (whatever that is.) Still no concrete plans for France, but dreaming doesn't cost a thing and I'm still learning french with Rosetta Stone. It is a beautiful language and I'm enjoying the learning process. For sure I will go. Maybe not this soon, but for sure in the near future. Meanwhile, que serra serra!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Trials and Tribulations
Like Rosanna Danna used to say, "it's always somethin'." Gilda Radner suffered from ovarian cancer just like me, although she had so much trouble getting diagnosed, she was practically beyond help when it finally happened. Gilda's Place is in her honor and I would like to go to one of them eventually.
Right now I am waiting...my four phase CT scan of my kidneys took place on Friday and my appointment with the doc isn't until tomorrow to read the results. I have been trying to stay calm, not to worry (one of my Mom's favorite sayings) easy to say but hard to do. I go from "oh, its just the iodine going through that they see." to "I have tumors in my kidneys and I only have 5 months to live." Where do I get the 5 months from? Drama queen.
So, trying to stay in the moment, decided to blog it out. The next thing to think about is....
France! I am dreaming about a trip to Marseilles with my masseuse, Zabeth, who is going "home" in July and has invited me to come along. That sounds infinitely better that talking about a CT scan. Let's dream together! Au revoir!
Right now I am waiting...my four phase CT scan of my kidneys took place on Friday and my appointment with the doc isn't until tomorrow to read the results. I have been trying to stay calm, not to worry (one of my Mom's favorite sayings) easy to say but hard to do. I go from "oh, its just the iodine going through that they see." to "I have tumors in my kidneys and I only have 5 months to live." Where do I get the 5 months from? Drama queen.
So, trying to stay in the moment, decided to blog it out. The next thing to think about is....
France! I am dreaming about a trip to Marseilles with my masseuse, Zabeth, who is going "home" in July and has invited me to come along. That sounds infinitely better that talking about a CT scan. Let's dream together! Au revoir!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Getting fit after chemo
Well, I finally feel like walking and exercising again. Even though I'm on a short leash with my doctor as I am still in the clinical trial, I still feel really well and want to get back into shape. I haven't gone back to the gym yet, but am trying to walk more and eat better. During chemo I ate whatever sounded good on the days I wasn't nauseated. Now I need to tweak my diet a little to include greens and proteins and put the mashed potatoes and gravy back on the back shelf. Hooray!
My hair is growing back and it's either blonde or white! I have about a quarter inch sticking straight up. It is enough to keep my head a little warmer at night, but still pretty scary looking so I usually wear a cap. Tommy has been helping me with transfer tatoos on the back of my neck below my caps. The nurses and staff at the doc's office never know what to expect from me. I keep them smiling and its good for all of us. I look forward to the summer months and my energy returning so I can be with my grandsons and Ella more. Carpe Diem!
My hair is growing back and it's either blonde or white! I have about a quarter inch sticking straight up. It is enough to keep my head a little warmer at night, but still pretty scary looking so I usually wear a cap. Tommy has been helping me with transfer tatoos on the back of my neck below my caps. The nurses and staff at the doc's office never know what to expect from me. I keep them smiling and its good for all of us. I look forward to the summer months and my energy returning so I can be with my grandsons and Ella more. Carpe Diem!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Surreality
I found a new descriptive word. Is it because of the tenth anniversary of Amber's death on June 10th that I have this skewed take on life? Or could it be the next step I am about to take in the clinical trial I'm in for ovarian cancer? Or maybe it is the visit to the high school where I gave 3 scholarships in honor of Amber's life as a dancer and lover of education. Or was it walking on the campus with a scarf on my bald head as Amber did and got stares from her peers and a sneering comment, "nice bandana!" from a clueless girl passing by?
Clearly I have issues at this time of my life and probably shouldn't write when I feel this way, but I have to, because that's what I do to deal with it.
Clearly I have issues at this time of my life and probably shouldn't write when I feel this way, but I have to, because that's what I do to deal with it.
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